Introduction

Churches that mismanage conflict compromise their witness to the world. All it takes to be a church that mismanages conflict is to have people within it who don’t know how to manage conflict effectively.

The church is people—individuals who possess differing relationship management skills.

The church is filled with people from all walks of life. They come into God’s family with their own set of relationship management skills already in place. Some of which are completely dysfunctional.

Normally, this dysfunction doesn’t show up in the day-to-day life of the church. Only when people’s feelings get hurt will their conflict management skills surface. And sometimes when they surface, they have disastrous results.

Principle 13:35 is a curriculum designed to help church members and leaders to learn healthier and more effective ways of managing conflict. The foundation of this training is drawn from John 13:35 where Jesus says: By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

More than any other aspect of church life; more than what ministries or events that we offer; more than the size of our church or the architecture of our building; more than how interesting the preaching is; the quality of our relationships is what matters most. This is what people notice. It’s what attracts them to us.

Generally speaking, Christians are confused about love. They think that it means always being nice to people. But  Jesus wasn’t always nice to people. Yet he always spoke what people needed to hear most. He always sought what was best for them.

Love always serves the health of the individual and the relationship, even when that means having a difficult conversation with someone when you’ve been hurt by them. The effectiveness of your church and its witness to the world rests upon you learning and practicing this important skill.

You can learn healthy conflict resolution with the Principle 13:35 program.

In the next lesson, you’ll learn about a couple common personality types who are drawn into conflict in churches. Maybe you’ll see yourself reflected in one or the other. But for now, watch the summary video below.