Table of Contents

Below is a brief description of each lesson in the course.


People come into the church with their own set of relationship management skills. Some are completely dysfunctional. Normally, this isn’t a problem until people’s feelings get hurt. Then their conflict management skills surface—sometimes with disastrous results.

Lesson 1

Taylor & Destiny

Church work is done by people with different personality types. Some are people pleasers. Others interact more forcefully. Neither is bad. However, when people are excited about serving together things often go sideways. When they do, they need to know what to do next.

Lesson 2

Taylor Reacts to Destiny’s Offense

People don’t always let on when they’ve been hurt. Often, they bottle up things inside and begin thinking of all the additional shortcomings of their offender. This is a good way to cultivate a resentment. Once resentments form, people often mismanage their hurt.

Lesson 3

Taylor Mismanages Her Pain

People mismanage their pain when they triangulate. That’s when they talk about their offender rather than to him or her. This practice is dangerous. It promotes gossip and often sows the seeds of discord.

Lesson 4

Will Taylor Be a Champion of Principle 13:35?

Oftentimes, when a person is hurt, the one who caused the hurt doesn’t have a clue. That’s especially true when the offended person won’t talk about what’s bothering him or her. People who are hurt own the responsibility of managing their hurt in healthy ways.

Lesson 5

The Cycle of Dysfunction

People enter the Cycle of Dysfunction when someone offends and the offended person reacts. Normally, reaction brings more pain to a relationship. Things begin to escalate. The way to end the cycle is to Solve for X—to change things from your side.

Lesson 6

Growing Beyond My Dysfunctional Forceful Personality

Whether you’re a forceful personality or people pleaser, we all have tendencies towards dysfunction rather than health. No one enters the church with a full complement of skills for healthy relating. Learn ways to grow beyond your dysfunctional forceful personality.

Lesson 7

Growing Beyond My Dysfunctional People Pleasing

People pleasers often think that those with forceful personalities do more to undermine harmony in a church. But that’s not so. People pleasers can do just as much harm to disrupt harmony. Learn how to keep your people pleasing from becoming dysfunctional.

Lesson 8

Healthy Communication

Perhaps the best way to resolve conflict when you’ve been hurt by another is to effectively talk about what’s going on inside of you. That involves a number of things, including avoiding a harsh start and the “XYZ+” Statement. Learn more in this lesson.

Lesson 9

Power Listening

When your efforts to share what is going on inside of you are met with defensiveness, then it’s time for power listening. Power listening is one of the best ways to get a conversation back on tract. Or it will show you when it’s time to step back and take a break.

Lesson 10

Caught in the Middle

Sometimes you’re caught in the middle. When that happens, you can do a lot to help others resolve conflict in healthy ways. You can do that by adopting a policy of encouraging others to talk directly to their offenders.